It's Too Quiet Here...

Well, internet, I guess it's just you and me. I have no one in particular to pour my heart out to at the moment; everyone is either enjoying Memorial Day festivities, out doing something called life, vacationing, or something to that effect. Perhaps they are simply tired of listening to me come up with the same issues over and over again.

I'm not going to say that I blame them. The loneliness at the moment is pretty unbearable, and again I find myself wondering how I got to this point. I'm surrounded by people during the day, and I'm fine. I go to school 2 nights a week, and I thrive on that. But when it comes to personal relationships on any level, I'm sunk. I don't go out and do things. I don't have anyone to hang with. And the prospect of trying to go somewhere or do anything at the risk of getting rejected by anyone leaves little to be desired.

I don't think I could handle it. I feel like the worst Christian at the moment, like I'm not relying on God enough or I'm not accepting the place he has me in right now as I should be or something. But I need people too, and I just can't bring myself to reach out. I've done this so unsuccessfully the past few years that I think I've forgotten how. And I can talk online quite easily...

...only I struggle knowing the authenticity of some of those relationships. Granted, I'm sure that most of you care very much. But you can't always be there, and I understand that. Heck, I shouldn't always be here either. But when it's not school or work, this IS where I am.

I'm sure someone is going to reply that I need to get out more, that I need to go searching for relationships and friendships and can't expect them to just "happen." I'm sure you are probably right. But I have this little problem in that I don't know who to trust anymore. I have this problem in that, at the moment, the thing I need the worst is for someone to reach out to me. I don't know that I believe that anyone will, ever. I dread living out my life in silence, alone. And at this time, that is exactly where I am headed.

It's too quiet here...

Random Stuff

1. My parents are in Tennessee this week, and I have the house to myself. Unfortunately, there isn't any here to invite over.

2. I survived the first "last 2 semesters" of my first year teaching. I have 2 more planning days, then it's freedom til August. Mostly.

3. I got to talk to Destiny on the phone, and will be working on a reading project with her. That was way cool, considering this time last year she couldn't move a muscle in her body without major concerted effort, let alone talk.

4. I passed the Elementary Education test. I won't lose my teaching job at Love Grove as I feared.

5. It's summer time and I feel alone. Really alone. I should be on the beach, having fun, doing... something. But I'm feeling alone. Whoopty doo.

Why...

...do I bother to get online? To post? To try to talk to anyone? Nobody has time.