When Will the Insanity STOP???

Ok, so someone in the Duval County schol boards called me up this week. Well, this is nice, they still have my resume on file. That's about the only thing that is nice about the whole thing.

The person calling was wanting me to interview for a position at this school. Another middle school, rah rah. First off, I don't think it's worth either my time or theirs. Granted, I worked with some older profoundly handicapped students, but sheesh, I don't even think this school HAS a profoundly handicapped program. I don't have any background teaching stuff that middle schoolers are supposed to be learning either; I have been teaching preschoolers, for crying out loud.

I guess I seriously need to take the time off to get to the school board and set my record straight. I WANT TO TEACH LITTLE KIDS. PROFOUNDLY HANDICAPPED LITTLE KIDS. JUST LIKE YOU CAN SEE IF YOU LOOK AT THE DAMN RESUME I HAVE ON FILE WITH YOU.

If I didn't think I'd had enough after having to turn the position down at Lighthouse this summer, now I've REALLY had enough. Profoundly handicapped teaching is NOT a favorite; it takes a certain personality, and alot of people don't want to do it.

HELLO FOLKS. I WANT TO DO IT. I THINK I COULD LIVE TO DO IT, DAY IN AND DAY OUT. HIRE ME, DAMMIT. FOR THE RIGHT POSTION.

Sorry to vent on you, my few(?) but loyal readers. I'm reaching the end of my rope. Of course, the last time I posted that I was reaching the end of my rope, I nearly took a job at a school that wasn't even accredited.

I'm not that far gone yet. I'd rather die a meager preschool teacher. And if you people don't think that's much of a job, I'd like to see YOU in a classroom with 13 two and three year olds...

BUY THIS BOOK!!!

This post is absolutely nothing but a very proud, very excited plug for Kate's book that she just editted, Short Attention Span Mysteries. I just purchased the book via Amazon, and I'm totally psyched about it and excited for her. So this is my shameless plug for a good friend I think of as a sister. Buy the book, okeday? You can get it here or here.

Pumpkin Carving 101

Okay, I've just spent over 20 minutes at the store buying the most non-blemished pumpkin I could find to carve for the kids during circletime tomorrow. Trouble is, I have NEVER carved a pumpkin in my life. I have all these great tips so far-use a sharp knife, cut the top at an angle so that it will sit back on without falling in, use a water-based marker to draw on your design before carving it out.

Allright, it's time for all you lurkers out there to speak up (and NOT with any spam. You know who you are). What are some good pumpkin-carving tips I might have misssed? And don't you dare not respond with suggestions...I know your names and IP addresses. :P

HELP!!!

Top Ten Reasons the Jacksonville Airport Makes Me want to Cry

10. I always seem to be leaving someone there, and not picking someone up FROM there.
9. It really makes me want to jump a plane to Memphis, even if I'm not scheduled to do so.
8. They have some of the worst Burger King Whoppers I've tasted in my life (like any are good...)
7. It's not the Memphis airport.
6. I know that even if I'm LEAVING from the airport, I'm eventually going to have to come back.
5. The idiots at the Burger King gave me Root Beer instead of Coke. I hate root beer.
4. The airport makes me want to fly somewhere ELSE.
3. There is no Backyard Burger at the Jax airport.
2. Rarely does anyone come, via an airplane, to visit me in Jacksonville. It's an open door to come and go, but it seems to be a door that only goes one way sometimes.
1. I really want to hop a plane to Memphis and permanantly leave Jacksonville, and its airport (don't take this the wrong way; I love my family here, and would prefer they hop the plane and come along with me provided I was still going to live on my own once we got back to Memphis...)

100 Questions

Kate had this meme on her blog, so I figured I'd do it too, since no one is home right now and no one is talking on AIM right now. Read and be bored, cause I think this pretty much proves I'm un-interesting.

1.First grade teacher's name: Mrs. Malone
2. Last person you kissed: Uhhh...I have no relationships of a romantic nature, so nobody. Yes, really.
3. Last word you said: Okay
4. Last song you sang: “Excuses” by Alanis Morisette. Sorta like my theme song to life lately.
5. Last person you hugged: My mom.
6. Last thing you laughed at: Watched Jumangi earlier with the rents.
7. What's in your CD player: the CD Kate made me for my birthday. The thing rarely leaves my car, and if it does it’s for me to listen to it inside the house.
8. Who is your favorite star/s: Tobey MacQuire, Ewan MacGreggor, Harrison Ford, Tom Welling.
9. What socks are you wearing: White hanes with gray toes and heels.
10. What's under your bed: My Casio Midi keyboard
11. Current status: Single and boring.
12. Current taste:Good?
13.Current Hairstyle: a little longer than chin length, but not quite shoulder length. Undercut with bangs, blondish-brown
14. Current clothes: Winnie the Pooh and Tigger shirt (yeah, I work with kids) and blue sweats with white Hanes socks.
15. Current Hate: Being alone
16. Current longing: To be home in Memphis
17. Current desktop picture: pic of a shuttle returning home with an airplane at her wing. Pretty appropriate for me.
18. Current worry: Getting all my crap done for school this semester.
19. Current Love: My kids at school. Hey, it’s not much but they’re my life right now, other than going to school.
20. Story behind your username: Aside from my astronomy curiosity, my main roleplaying character is Shayla “Stargazer” Petrolu.
21. Current favorite article of clothing: Any sort of hoodie. I have them in all colors.
22. a. Favorite physical feature(s) on yourself: My eyes?.
22. b. on opposite sex: The eyes. Window to the soul.
23. Last CD that you bought: It’s been so long I don’t remember...a Newsboys CD, I think?
24. Favorite place to be: at home in Memphis.
25. Least favorite place: The doctor’s office. Any doctor’s office.
26. Time you wake up in the morning: around 5:45 am
27. If you could play a new instrument, what would it be? Electric guitar. Yes, really. I’d also like to be a GOOD pianist, instead of the sucky one I am.
29. Current favorite word/saying: “Have you lost your mind?”
30. Favorite book: “I Love You Forever,” “I, Jedi,” and the Left Behind Series. Oh yes, and “Phantom of the Opera)
31. Favorite Movies: X-Men 1 and 2, Spiderman (both), Empire Strikes Back, Return of the Sith, Phantom of the Opera, Mr. Holland’s Opus.
34. One person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to: Christina Russell. Just to see where she is and what she is doing now.
35. Favorite day: Friday
36. Where do you want to go: home to Memphis TN. Didn’t I answer this question already somewhere else?!?
37. What is your career going to be: Special ed teacher working with young profoundly handicapped individuals. That is, if anyone will get past my size and just give me a chance and hire me.
38. Who is your best friend/s: Kate. Don’t think I trust anyone else quite like I do you.
39. What kind of car do you have: cranberry Saturn Ion
40. A random lyric: “It’s hard to say it, time to say it...goodbye, goodbye...”
41. Eye Color: Greeny-blue, depending on if I have my contacts in or not.
42. Hair Color: blondish-brown
43. Righty or Lefty: Righty
45. Zodiac Sign: Not into this much, but I’ve been told I’m a Gemini.
46.Innie or Outtie: Innie.
47. Your heritage: Heck if I know. My grandmother’s maiden name is Cromwell. And yes, that is a descendent from Oliver Cromwell. Wait, maybe I shouldn’t admit that out loud...
48. The shoes you wore today: white sneakers. Not very interesting
49. Your hair: got a brown hair clip in
50. Your weakness: worrying and stressing alot, and not having all that much faith in my ability to interest anyone or anything.
51. Your fears: Being alone.
52. Your most recent secret?: Wouldn’t be a secret if I posted it here.
54. Your thoughts first waking up: Do I really have to get up now???
55. The first feature you notice in the opposite sex: Eyes.
56. Your bedtime: 11:30.
57. Your most missed companion: Kate.
58. Your perfect pizza: a little of everything; I like "The Works" at Papa John's and "the Tower at a place here in Jax called East of Chicago. Best pan pizza crust I've had in my life.
60. Single or group dates: I’m not interesting enough to be dating.
61. Dogs or Cats: I have one of each.
62. Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: LUISIANNE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
63. Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate.
64. Cappuccino or coffee?: both, thanks.
65. Smoke: Unless you count the smoke coming out of my head, no.
66. Curse: Ok, I admit it. Sometimes. but who is perfect?
67. Sing: in the car, in the classroom, in the hospital with a little friend of mine who had encephalitis. Music is a major portion of my life.
68. Take a shower everyday: Yes.
69. Have a crush: No.
72. Want to go to college: want to graduate from graduate school sometime in the near future, thanks
73. Want more than what you got: Materially, not really. Just want more in terms of being stable financially and out on my own, for once.
74. Want to get married: yeah.
75.Type with your fingers in the right place: yes
76. Think you're attractive: ::shrugs::
77. Think you're a health freak: no.
78. Get along with your parents: usually.
79. Play an instrument: flute and a little guitar
80. Drink: Dr. Pepper. Alot of Dr. Pepper, and lots of different hot teas.
82. Done a drug: no.
83. Made Out: no. see, I told you I wasn’t interesting.
84. Go on a date: Yeah, although it didn’t necessarily turn out very good.
85. Eaten an entire box of Oreos: Look, I eat alot, but not THAT much!
86. Eaten sushi: Yes, once, with Kate and Matt
87. Been dumped: Of course.
88. Made homemade cookies: no
89. Caused a fire: no.
90. Gone skinny dipping: No.
91. Dyed your hair: I like my hair as it is.
92. Stolen anything: No.
93. Had too much to drink: Too much Dr. Pepper, perhaps...
94. Been caught cheating: No.
95. Been called a tease: No.
96. Gotten beaten up: A couple of girls tried to mess with me in elementary school because I wore leg braces. My older brother scared the hell out of them and they never bothered me again.
97. Changed who you were to fit in: Sure.
98. Cried at something beautiful: I cry when I’m happy, sad. So probably.
99. Spent too much money on something you didnt need?: I’m saving up for a telescope, and yes, I’m buying it regardless of whether my Mom thinks I’ll really use it or not.
100. Cried when someone died?: Yes. Who the heck wouldn’t???

Am I the only one?

I don't know what it is, but I have this paranoia. I get online, I IM someone. They don't respond, even though there is no away message. So I figure, hey, they are just away from the computer for now. So then, an away message pops up on this person's IM. So I figure they're idling. No problem. Well then, the away message is removed. So I IM again. No reply. Nada. I'm figuring by this point I'm annoying the hell out of whomever I'm trying to get in contact with.

I'm wondering if and when I might have made them mad. I wonder if everything is okay with them. My mind starts worrying. It's a really annoying thing. And it seems to happen to me quite a bit.

Am I the only one who starts worrying at frequent "no replies" on IMs??? Just wondering.

Homecoming

As of today Destiny has left the Rehab hospital for home. She has a good start towards walking again, is beginning to speak in syllable sounds...

...and still has alot more to do. And I believe its going to happen. After all, she's defied the odds thusfar, so why not just keep at it? This kid's a real fighter.

Photograph

Photograph

Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
How did our eyes get so red?
And what the hell is on Joey's head?

This is where I grew up
I think the present owner fixed it up
I never knew we ever went without
The second floor is hard for sneakin' out

And this is where I went to school
Most of the time I had better things to do
Criminal record says I broke in twice
I must of done it half a dozen times

I wonder if it's too late
Should I go back and try to graduate?
Lot's better now than it was back then
If I was them, I wouldn't let me in
Oh, woah, woah, woah God, I

Every memory of lookin' out the back door
I have the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it
Time to say it
Good bye, good bye

Every memory of walkin' out the front door
I found the photo of the person I was lookin' for
It's hard to say it
Time to say it
Good bye, good bye

Goodbye

Remember the old arcade?
Blew every dollar that we ever made
The cops seen us hangin' out
They said somebody went and burnt it down

We use to listen to the radio
And sing along with every song we know
We said someday we'd find out how it feels
To sing to more than just a steering wheel

Kim's the first girl I kissed
I was so nervous that I nearly missed
She's had a couple of kids since then
I haven't seen her since God knows when
Oh, woah, woah, oh God, I

Every memory of lookin' out the back door
I have the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it
Time to say it
Good bye, good bye

Every memory of walkin' out the front door
I found the photo of the person I was lookin' for
It's hard to say it
Time to say it
Good bye, good bye

[I miss] I miss that town
[I miss] I miss their faces
[You can't] You can't erase
[You can't] You can't replace it
[I miss] I miss it now
[I can't] I can't believe it
[So hard] So hard to stay
[Too hard] Too hard to leave it

If I could relive those days
I know the one thing that would never change [Change, change, change]

Every memory of lookin' out the back door
I have the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's [Hard to say] hard to say it
Time to say it
[Good bye] Good bye, good bye
Every memory of walkin' out the front door
I found the photo of the person I was lookin' for
It's [Hard to say] hard to say it
Time to say it
[Good bye] Good bye, good bye

Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
Every time I do it makes me

My source for good music, Kate, hooked me up with this song a couple of weeks ago. Granted, I never kissed a girl named Kim (GAKK!) alot of what this song says reflect show I feel about life in general. I mean, seems like I'm always "looking out the backdoor," at the photographs from way back when and wondering what the heck happened to that time. Missing that time.

Only I don't want to say goodbye. I pretty much refuse to. I'm not one to leave everything behind and move on. I simply can't. Perhaps this is bad, but to quote "Everybody's Free (to wear Sunscreen) "The older you get, the more you'll need the people you knew when you were young."

I need you people out there. I always will. Some might really think it's time for me to just say goodbye. But I think if I did that I just might go insane.

A Miracle in Progress

Tonight I'd like to take you on a little adventure, one that I've given you bits and pieces of for the past 3 or 4 months. I'd like to tell you a tale of a little five-year-old girl of high intelligence, who was more than ready to enter Kindergarten in August when Encephalitis tried to take her from us all in the middle of June. When most of the children in my preschool were enjoying vacations and activities at the school, our little Destiny was fighting for her life. Thank God, Encephalitis did not win, and two weeks after the infection, along with medication, pushed her into a coma, our Destiny returned to us...

...but not as herself. The vacant eyes I saw when I first came to do music therapy with her still haunt me, but it was that night I also saw the glimmerings of hope, when she pointed to her wrist in the appropriate place during our "Time to Go" song we had done every time we had music at school.

Still, the MRI showed brain damage from the pressure of fluid on Destiny's brain. And this is where the traces of the hand of God are totally unmistakable. In July, when she was admitted to the Rehab hospital, no one knew how long this recovery would take and how much would return. Not long after her admittance, we all knew Destiny remembered everything; most of the ones who knew Destiny well knew she remembered things long before the Rehab professionals even did.

Two months after admittance, we were seeing slow but certain progress. And the hand of God was seen again: Destiny was sitting up, she is now beginning to stand; the wheelchair she was fitted for is now not appropriate because she no longer needs back supports.

I believe with all my heart this kid is going to walk again, on her own. And although the words haven't come yet, I believe they will also.

And don't misunderstand me; I don't doubt that the birth of new neurons and all the other medical science isn't there to explain these said "miracles." The miracle is in the fact that, when given a six to eight month possible recovery period, this child is making major gains in only TWO MONTHS of rehab. The miracle is in the fact that when this recovery might not have been possible at all, it has happened regardless. I'd love to see the initial MRI showing brain damage and what a more recent MRI would look like. This sort of stuff just screams that God is real, and working in lives even today.

Destiny's mom would tell you precisely that. One of her two babies was nearly taken from her, and is fighting back. She will tell you she was not brought up in church. And she will tell you how very certain she is that this has all happened for a reason, and that God has definitely gotten her attention.

This stuff just doesn't happen by chance. This kid didn't get her independent spirit just to drive us all crazy when she didn't want to listen to us at school. That spirit has given her the will to fight, and the will to win. And God's hand was in me staying in my job at the preschool, despite how I want to move on. This kid's recovery has touched MY life. My participation in seeing her grow and return to us has been an awesome blessing.

And I hope this tale I'm telling now will some how be a blessing to you as well.

God is real, and God is still working. Sometimes we just have to stop and be silent to see His hand.