I'm Not Angry, Just Alone
I'm sitting here in Panera Bread plugged in on laptop. I've been here since approximately 7:00 pm, and in 45 minutes I've consumed soup and salad and a fruit cup. I'm working on a cafe latte, and I can't tell if it's sweetened enough because of the fruit.
I've been sitting here alone for the past 45 minutes. Nobody else is with me. I'm sure someone might say that I should be enjoying my time to myself since work starts again Monday and I won't have so much then. Someone else might say that I should appreciate being on my own and not attached to anything or anyone, or something lame like that. Seriously, everyone, that does not help how I feel in the least.
Recently a friend asked me if I was angry with them. My response was that I wasn't angry at anyone, but perhaps at life in general. Life and the hand that it's dealt me, really. I mean, I'm a nice enough person. I'm not an axe murderer (I think), I like to talk to people I know and have fun, and I like to listen as well. And yet I'm single and here in Jacksonville I don't have any friends other than people I work with. I keep telling myself I am going to try harder to get out and do things to be around people. But going out alone scares me and I worry about being rejected or misunderstood or something.
I'm not sure if this is making sense, but hopefully you are still following me (if not, my excuse is that I just ran into someone I know who subbed at my school and we were talking). To sum up, I need to get out, but don't want to alone. So what do I do instead? I stay home and get online or I go out and get online. But everyone else, unlike myself, has some sort of life. I message people hoping to talk to anyone, just to talk, and I don't always necessarily have success. I don't blame anyone for this, after all, you have lives, and I should too. But sometimes it is really frustrating to have so much to say and no one to talk to, ya know? I feel like a heel saying that, but that's what it really comes down to.
I'm not angry at anyone. I'm just alone. Painfully alone.
I've been sitting here alone for the past 45 minutes. Nobody else is with me. I'm sure someone might say that I should be enjoying my time to myself since work starts again Monday and I won't have so much then. Someone else might say that I should appreciate being on my own and not attached to anything or anyone, or something lame like that. Seriously, everyone, that does not help how I feel in the least.
Recently a friend asked me if I was angry with them. My response was that I wasn't angry at anyone, but perhaps at life in general. Life and the hand that it's dealt me, really. I mean, I'm a nice enough person. I'm not an axe murderer (I think), I like to talk to people I know and have fun, and I like to listen as well. And yet I'm single and here in Jacksonville I don't have any friends other than people I work with. I keep telling myself I am going to try harder to get out and do things to be around people. But going out alone scares me and I worry about being rejected or misunderstood or something.
I'm not sure if this is making sense, but hopefully you are still following me (if not, my excuse is that I just ran into someone I know who subbed at my school and we were talking). To sum up, I need to get out, but don't want to alone. So what do I do instead? I stay home and get online or I go out and get online. But everyone else, unlike myself, has some sort of life. I message people hoping to talk to anyone, just to talk, and I don't always necessarily have success. I don't blame anyone for this, after all, you have lives, and I should too. But sometimes it is really frustrating to have so much to say and no one to talk to, ya know? I feel like a heel saying that, but that's what it really comes down to.
I'm not angry at anyone. I'm just alone. Painfully alone.
posted by StargazerGirl at 4:47 PM
2 Comments:
Hey, I'd talk to ya, only half the time whenever you IM all I get is what your cat is doing and lighthearted things like that.
You don't have to be scared to open up online, ya know...
Hey, have you heard of meetup? It's a site where people start groups on a variety of interests, and then the groups meet in real life a few times a month. I discovered a science fiction group existed two blocks from me! I also found a comic group, urban explorer group, etc.
It's not dating, most of the groups meet in public places so it's safe, and it's a painless way to meet new people. If you don't like a group, just don't attend any more meetings. One group in my area goes to movies, then has dinner after. There's also a group that picks different restaurants in the area to try.
Take a look at the site. At worst, it will get you out and meeting different folks, and you'll already know you have at least one thing to talk about with them, since you are both attending a meeting on the same subject.
There are currently 217 different groups in Jacksonville:
www.meetup.com/cities/us/fl/jacksonville/groups/
Good luck!
--smacky (who vividly remembers being shy and friendless in a new town!)
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