It's Too Quiet Here...
Well, internet, I guess it's just you and me. I have no one in particular to pour my heart out to at the moment; everyone is either enjoying Memorial Day festivities, out doing something called life, vacationing, or something to that effect. Perhaps they are simply tired of listening to me come up with the same issues over and over again.
I'm not going to say that I blame them. The loneliness at the moment is pretty unbearable, and again I find myself wondering how I got to this point. I'm surrounded by people during the day, and I'm fine. I go to school 2 nights a week, and I thrive on that. But when it comes to personal relationships on any level, I'm sunk. I don't go out and do things. I don't have anyone to hang with. And the prospect of trying to go somewhere or do anything at the risk of getting rejected by anyone leaves little to be desired.
I don't think I could handle it. I feel like the worst Christian at the moment, like I'm not relying on God enough or I'm not accepting the place he has me in right now as I should be or something. But I need people too, and I just can't bring myself to reach out. I've done this so unsuccessfully the past few years that I think I've forgotten how. And I can talk online quite easily...
...only I struggle knowing the authenticity of some of those relationships. Granted, I'm sure that most of you care very much. But you can't always be there, and I understand that. Heck, I shouldn't always be here either. But when it's not school or work, this IS where I am.
I'm sure someone is going to reply that I need to get out more, that I need to go searching for relationships and friendships and can't expect them to just "happen." I'm sure you are probably right. But I have this little problem in that I don't know who to trust anymore. I have this problem in that, at the moment, the thing I need the worst is for someone to reach out to me. I don't know that I believe that anyone will, ever. I dread living out my life in silence, alone. And at this time, that is exactly where I am headed.
It's too quiet here...
I'm not going to say that I blame them. The loneliness at the moment is pretty unbearable, and again I find myself wondering how I got to this point. I'm surrounded by people during the day, and I'm fine. I go to school 2 nights a week, and I thrive on that. But when it comes to personal relationships on any level, I'm sunk. I don't go out and do things. I don't have anyone to hang with. And the prospect of trying to go somewhere or do anything at the risk of getting rejected by anyone leaves little to be desired.
I don't think I could handle it. I feel like the worst Christian at the moment, like I'm not relying on God enough or I'm not accepting the place he has me in right now as I should be or something. But I need people too, and I just can't bring myself to reach out. I've done this so unsuccessfully the past few years that I think I've forgotten how. And I can talk online quite easily...
...only I struggle knowing the authenticity of some of those relationships. Granted, I'm sure that most of you care very much. But you can't always be there, and I understand that. Heck, I shouldn't always be here either. But when it's not school or work, this IS where I am.
I'm sure someone is going to reply that I need to get out more, that I need to go searching for relationships and friendships and can't expect them to just "happen." I'm sure you are probably right. But I have this little problem in that I don't know who to trust anymore. I have this problem in that, at the moment, the thing I need the worst is for someone to reach out to me. I don't know that I believe that anyone will, ever. I dread living out my life in silence, alone. And at this time, that is exactly where I am headed.
It's too quiet here...
posted by StargazerGirl at 10:09 PM
2 Comments:
u know i read ur posts from time to time.
u also know i practically beg u to come read mine.
im not trying to drive nails deeper into ya, girl..
i just miss the time when we could im and have a decent conversation, ya know?
sometimes life throws ya a hardball. i lived the last 6 years in a sorta undeath. seriously.
im through living like that. its time to move on...
so..im asking u again. read the email i will send ya, and reply..or come read me blog at least.
me can only show u the doors, u hafta open them...
I'm sorry I don't stop by your blog very often.
I'm sorry that you feel the way you do. If you ever need to talk to anyone (even if I am pretty much a complete stranger) feel free to email me
wowenmundo@aol.com
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