Trying to Break Free of the Shell

So, I actually went out somewhere tonight, for once in a long time excepting last week's wonderful (although rainy) visit by Kate, and those I affectionately refer to as "the gang." I actually went to a Bible study at church.

Now I know what you are all thinking. "Oh NO, one of those bible-beating seminars!!!" Actually...not at all. We did talk about the attributes of Satan, and we did get into some hardcore theological stuff. BUT the thing I REALLY APPRECIATED was that the discussion also meandered to the wrong in people overemphasizing the "devil's work." (i.e. "that is of the devil, this is of the devil...HECK, EVERYTHING IS OF THE DEVIL!!!) Several of you and I have had this discussion ourselves...about people blowing everything out of porportion and twisting it so much into a religious issue that it turns those who may be seeking off.

This is so very important to me, in everything that I do and say. Cause the last thing I want to do is turn anyone of you guys off; I want you to be certain that I'm for real, that I'm going to tell you what I think...

...but that you also know that I love you dearly regardless of whether I agree with you or not. Granted, I might not always agree with everything you think or do. But that does not change that I care about all of you.

Am I making sense? Sounding too preachy? I hope I am on the former, and am not on the latter. I've just seen too many people grind "non-believers" into the ground. And I've seen too many people grind people who ARE believers into the ground for some stupid theological difference. It's no wonder people out there are not interested in going to church, with all of this going on and running amuck.

Now what I want to let you all know is that church people, like everyone else, are human...Christian or no. And as such, I am human AND a Christian. If you have something you don't agree with me on; if you see me doing something that might be troubling you, call me on it.

And I know, that was a long ramble on my Bible study, but the study really got me thinking (I know, I know, that's dangerous!). I'm striving very hard these last couple of days, considering how unhappy I've been here, to try to make the most of it while I wait school out. There simply has to be a reason for me being here, and i'm beginning to wonder if it even has anything to do with my education or my family. What if it's because God is trying to get me to think in a way that I might not have going to the church I was in Tennessee. Cause I'll tell you, while I loved that church very much, I'm not so sure they teach quite the same message of acceptance and outreach that the church I now attend does. It's something I will now always be convicted of, and will now always consider.

And now that I've rambled ENTIRELY too long, I will leave you to the lyrics to this song Kate burned for me; lyrics that have triggered me to start stepping out of my shell a little more. Who knows...maybe in stepping out of my shell I will find the job and the path that I have been and still long so dearly to find? I can only hope...

Excuses

Why no one will help me
I am too dumb I am too smart
They'll not understand me
I am lonely
They'll hate me
And there is not enough time
It's too hard to help me
And god wants me to work
No resting no lazy

These excuses how they served me so well
They've kept me safe
They've kept me stoic
They've kept me locked in my own cell

I'm too far from home
It takes far too much energy
And I cannot afford to
No one will ever see me

These excuses how they served me so well
They've kept me safe
They've kept me stoic
They've kept me locked inside my cell

These excuses how they're so familiar
They've kept me blocked
They've kept me small
They've kept me safe inside my shell

Bringing this into the light
Shakes their foundation
And it clears my side
Now my imagination
Is the only thing that limits
The bar that is raised to the heights

No one can have it all see
I have to they want me to
And I can't let them down
I'll never be happy

These excuses how they served me so well
They've kept me safe
They've kept me small
They've kept me locked inside my cell

These excuses how they're so familiar
They've kept me small
They've kept me stoic
They've kept me locked inside my cell