Am I really doing this...again...?

I'm finding myself in a curious state of mind right now. I guess with Destiny coming out of her coma today, hope has sprung in my heart...

...hope for something. And yet I'm still not willing to trust it; still scared as all hell I'm gonna get blasted again sooner or later, and probably too soon for my liking. Yes, another one of those "I could so do that Job!" ads popped up in the classifieds today. At least, I *think* I could do the job, it wasn't too specific. Just a "Christian school seeking Special Education teachers K-12" ad, and a fax number. Heck, I don't even know where this place is...or if I'm REALLY even qualified.

And I've thought I was qualified before when I haven't been hired. Or even interviewed. Many times before. So why do I keep doing this? Why do I try, with doubt in my heart, time and time again, knowing my gut is telling me to just give up, that it will only end in another disappointment?

I guess hope is still there...and I really think it's coming from somewhere Higher Above...cause I know when I found out another job had been given away yesterday, I felt utterly defeated, ready to quit everything.

But there's always that side of me that thinks "Maybe this time. Just maybe..."

I wonder how much longer that side of me will last if I keep getting turn-down after turn-down like I have been for the past two years.

Sorry to beat a dead horse guys, but I needed to just vent. Thanks for listening...

...errr, reading.